


Why Not I With Thine?

by porridgemilk



Series: Love's Philosphy [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Established Relationship, First Time, Fluff, M/M, Oikawa's sexual awakening
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-19
Updated: 2016-03-19
Packaged: 2018-05-27 19:06:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6296383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/porridgemilk/pseuds/porridgemilk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“What did you want to talk about?” Oikawa asked through the sudden dryness in his throat.<br/>Iwaizumi flushed an endearing shade of red. “You <i>know</i> what,”<br/>“I won’t know if you don’t say it clearly, Iwa-chan,” Oikawa frowned “Communication is key to a budding relationship, you know.”<br/>That seemed to make the flush on Iwaizumi’s cheeks even darker and somehow, looking at him, Oikawa felt his embarrassment grow. Why couldn’t Iwaizumi have been a bit more experienced than him in this? The way it was now, both of them were the same level of inexperienced and it did nothing to make things easier for them.<br/>Iwaizumi took a deep breath and met Oikawa’s gaze with a look of determination. “Do you want to have sex with me, Oikawa?”<br/>---<br/>Oikawa and Iwaizumi encounter a situation after which they consider taking their relationship to the next level. But neither of them are sure if they're actually ready for it or not.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Why Not I With Thine?

**Author's Note:**

> The fountains mingle with the river  
> And the rivers with the Ocean,  
> The winds of Heaven mix for ever  
> With a sweet emotion;  
> Nothing in the world is single;  
> All things by a law divine  
> in one spirit meet and mingle.  
> Why not I with thine?  
> -P.B. Shelley

Oikawa dizzily looked at the ceiling and the slow spinning fan above them, feeling a little as if he was the luckiest boy to ever exist.

Iwaizumi’s lips pressed gently against his and he clutched onto the back of his shirt, pulling him closer towards him where he lay with his back pressed against the bed, rumpled sheets and the warmth of his boyfriend on top of him. He felt lightheaded and so, so hot as he opened his mouth and let their tongues meet. It wasn’t the first time, or the second, or even the third, but the feeling of his heart stammering in his chest always felt new.

Iwaizumi shifted a little and Oikawa immediately turned to the side, sure that supporting himself on his elbows was hardly comfortable for Iwaizumi. They didn’t break apart, save for the lightest intake of breath and he heard an irritated sigh leave Iwaizumi’s mouth at that.

“Patience, Iwa-chan,” Oikawa said in a breathless voice “Aren’t you uncomfortable in that position?”

Iwaizumi shrugged, cheeks flushed as he regarded Oikawa and his rumpled gym clothes. Iwaizumi’s were in much the same condition, navy blue uniform in disarray.

“Not really,” he said “But I guess I’ll move a little.”

Oikawa nodded quickly and moved to turn to the side but Iwaizumi’s hands were on his shoulders, pressing him back first onto the bed again. He opened his mouth to protest but then Iwaizumi was moving, settling himself squarely in Oikawa’s lap, legs straddling his sides. All the breath left Oikawa’s lungs in a rush and he stared at him, a little in awe at his boldness and feeling a little bit as if his face would spontaneously combust any second.

“I-Is that more comfortable?” Oikawa asked, at a loss. Iwaizumi’s cheeks were aflame and that helped him feel a little less embarrassed and a lot bolder.

“Sure,” Iwaizumi said, and before Oikawa could ask further, he was leaning down again, pressing soft kisses on his neck and making his way towards his mouth. It was all too slow for Oikawa and he felt a funny flutter in the pit of his stomach and the beginnings of an indescribable warmth that left him feeling breathless and wanting to touch Iwaizumi more.

He placed both hands on Iwaizumi’s cheeks, stopped his gentle attentions on his neck and brought their mouths to meet. Iwaizumi only seemed to protest for a few seconds before he was kissing Oikawa again, in the same, oddly hungry way that Oikawa couldn’t seem to make sense of. All he knew was that he wanted to kiss him, bring their bodies closer and feel their hearts thrum together. A pleasant sigh left Iwaizumi’s lips and he moved a little on top of him, slowly dragging his hips against Oikawa’s.

Oikawa jerked forward unintentionally and his cheeks burned with embarrassment at the sound that left his mouth. He opened his eyes and looked at Iwaizumi, and noticed the same look of panic mirrored in his face as they broke apart. There was no mistaking the fact that he’d felt something _hard_ touching his crotch and that he’d probably been the same way to Iwaizumi. Without really talking about it at all, both of them slid to the side, a safe no kissing distance away from each other.

“Uh,” Iwaizumi said, breaking the awkward silence between them. They were looking away, sheets crumpled conspicuously over their laps. “Sorry about that.”

Oikawa swallowed, trying to stop his racing heart and the uncomfortable hardness between his legs. It didn’t help to think of Iwaizumi in much the same state, sitting just a few feet away from him. “Me too,” he said. “Me too.”

“Do—do you want to take care of that or something?” Iwaizumi asked after a few seconds of contemplation. He was looking at Oikawa now even though his eyes barely met his. “I could go.”

“It’ll go away. You can use the bathroom if you want, Iwa-chan.”

“Ah. Sure,” Iwaizumi said, quickly jumping off the bed and spilling half the sheets off the side of the bed in the process. Oikawa was far too mortified to actually look at him so he continued holding onto the sheets as he looked at his calloused hands.

The door clicked shut behind him and Oikawa tried very hard not to imagine what Iwaizumi must be doing in there. All he could hear was the faint groan of the fan above him and the cars whizzing past outside his window. He swallowed, hard, and waited for his body to cool down until Iwaizumi could come back.

\---

The days after were spent in mostly the same routine as normal—going to school, practicing volleyball after classes and then walking back home together. Neither of them really talked about the incident or the fact that they chose not to address it at all, and it was all peaceful that way. Oikawa was fine with that, but sometimes, he felt as if they hadn’t entirely forgotten about that day even if they tried to pretend they had.

For one, Oikawa could now count the number of times they’d kissed on a single hand and while that in itself wasn’t something all too distressing, he could feel the small distance both of them subconsciously put between each other every time they did. It was obvious in the way Iwaizumi would sit a few feet away from him on their bed, and the way he would always make sure that his hands never travelled any lower than his waist when they kissed. Oikawa was fine with that, really, but the fact that Iwaizumi was being so cautious sometimes struck him the wrong way.

Still, it was better to just let it go and wait for things to eventually go back to normal.

“Say, Oikawa,” Komi, their classmate began, leaning forward on his desk as he stared at Oikawa. “Do you have a girlfriend?”

Oikawa blinked once before looking up from his math textbook and meeting his friend’s gaze. “Komi-chan does it really interest you that much?” he could feel Iwaizumi curiously looking at the two of them from the seat next to his.

Komi grinned. “There’s no way the great Oikawa -san doesn’t have a girlfriend! I just wanted to confirm my theory,”

“Ah? Theory?” Oikawa smiled, entertaining him. Iwaizumi must be enjoying himself too, he was sure. “Do tell me, Komi-chan.”

“I’m guessing she’s a high school first year. Tall and sexy and just like a model!”

Iwaizumi snickered. “I’m sure someone like that would be _all over_ Oikawa, huh?”

Oikawa winked once at him and turned back to Komi. “Well, Komi-chan, your theory definitely has some merit in it,” he said, not sure why he felt so talkative considering Iwaizumi was sitting right next to him, listening. “I’m dating someone right now.”

Komi leaned forward, closer than Oikawa would have liked and he could smell the sweat clinging to him. Iwaizumi would never smell like that, he thought with some level of irritation.

“So I was right?” he asked “Have you kissed her yet?”

“Of course, of course,”

“Have you touched her boobs? Are they big?”

“Oi! Isn’t that the kind of stuff you’re not supposed to ask others?” Iwaizumi began, cheeks coloring a light shade of pink. Oikawa’s heart fluttered and he tried to think it was only because the topic was embarrassing and not because the sight of Iwaizumi blushing always had that effect on him.

Komi shrugged, not taking his eyes off Oikawa. “So…” he began again, voice lowered in a conspiratorial manner “Have you, _you know_ —” And here, he broke off to make a vulgar hand gesture that left nothing to the imagination. Oikawa’s cheeks burned and he cast a furtive glance in Iwaizumi’s direction.

Oikawa waited for Iwaizumi to tell Komi off again but he was suspiciously quiet the entire while the boy looked at him, eyes big and curious. So, Oikawa thought, he wants me to teach him the secrets of being an adult, huh?

“Komi-chan if you wanted advice on how to do it, you could have just me flat out, you know,” he said, heaving a deep sigh and praying Komi would buy into the change of topic.

He didn’t really want to be discussing matters of sex when Iwaizumi was sitting right next to him. Somehow, despite being able to share anything, sex had been the one topic neither of them really ever talked about.

This time, Komi flushed. “Everyone’s doing it, you know,” he said “I just wanted to know, is all.”

Oikawa shrugged, thinking of all the boys in their class who seemed to be talking about that very thing lately. At first, he’d just shrugged it off as a fad— and he was sure it was mostly just that— but it really was starting to wear away at his nerves now that the subject seemed a little too close to home.

“I don’t think it’s all that necessary to do it, you know,” he began, keenly aware of Iwaizumi listening to each word he said “You should only do it when you’re ready! Not because everyone’s doing it.”

Komi grinned. “So that means you haven’t been lucky on that front either, huh?”

Oikawa was sure his cheeks were aflame by now. Beside him, Iwaizumi choked on his juice and Oikawa looked at him in concern, noting the casual way he averted his eyes right after.

“Ah—”

“They’re taking things slow,” Iwaizumi said in his place, sliding a little closer and resting a gentle hand on Oikawa’s shoulder. To anyone, it was a simple gesture of friendship, but Oikawa knew it was more than that. They were going to have to talk about it, it meant.

Komi laughed at that and Oikawa stifled the urge to kick his shin. “That’s really cheesy, Oikawa,” he said in between his giggles “I’m sure your fan club would eat that up.”

Oikawa coughed, trying to hide his embarrassment. He was glad it never really made him lose his wit, though (in matters that didn’t directly concern Iwaizumi, that is).

“Aw, Komi-chan, don’t tell them that! I’m popular enough as it is!”

“Like hell you are,” Iwaizumi rolled his eyes, retracting his hand from his shoulder and Oikawa felt the loss of warmth that came with it.

Komi shrugged, moving away from the table now that his questions had been answered. “Catch you later,”

Oikawa nodded, taking care to only sigh in relief once Komi was out of sight. He turned a little to the side and tried to smile as he met Iwaizumi’s gaze.

“A hot high school first year, huh?” Iwaizumi said, grinning in amusement and not at all bothered by the conversation. Oikawa found himself smiling—everything was fine, just the way it was supposed to be.

“You’ve got to admit, that’s a hotter portrayal of you than I would have imagined,”

Iwaizumi rolled his eyes, kicking his feet lightly. “Too bad you’re stuck with me,”

“Not too bad a deal, I’d say,” Oikawa said, itching to hold his hand. He cast a look around the class and saw a few girls sitting at the back, busy in gossip. He let his hand slide across Iwaizumi’s in as gentle a caress as was possible at the moment. “Taking things slow, huh?”

Iwaizumi swallowed, before nodding. He could see the slight tension in the stiffness of his shoulders and the way he tried very hard to keep his gaze but still found it wavering anyway. Oikawa felt the same way but at least he could put on a better show for it.

“Let’s talk it out, alright?” he said in a soft voice, as their teacher strode into class and made preparations for the lecture. “I don’t want to do anything stupid.”

Oikawa smiled as he retracted his hand and took out his notebooks. “If that’s what you want, Iwa-chan.”

\---

After practice that day, both of them walked home the same way they always did, shoulders nearly touching and the distance between them warm and comfortable. They didn’t talk much as they walked, letting their surroundings speak for them instead.

It was a busy day and cars sped past them and children on bicycles scooted a few feet away from them, the spokes of their wheels click clicking on the way. Oikawa smiled at the sight, thinking of a time when both of them had been the same way, skinny limbs and broken teeth, riding their bikes in the gentle summer breeze and thinking of nothing but the open expanse of sky above them and their goals so clear in front of them.

“Ah,” he sighed, suddenly feeling like an old man “Growing up sucks, Iwa-chan.”

Iwaizumi sighed with him. “Aren’t they a little too carefree?”

“I’m sure we were the same way back then. All we would ever worry about was wanting to grow taller and stronger,” they were still walking, but without really discussing it, they turned to the road leading away from their neighborhood and towards the park just a few blocks away.

“Didn’t you complain a lot about wanting to be the best at catching bugs?” Iwaizumi pointed out “You even stole mine once.”

“That—that was ages ago, Iwa-chan! Stop clinging to the past, won’t you?” Oikawa pouted, pushing Iwaizumi lightly as they entered the park. The bright paint of the rides seemed to be fading away, somewhat, and he could see the rust that lay underneath their metal bodies.

He made his way towards the merry go round and sat down right the middle, legs spread on the cold metal flooring so that there was no space left for Iwaizumi to sit down.

“Will you ever let me sit first?” Iwaizumi sighed, even as he began pushing the body from one corner. The metal groaned and creaked at first and Oikawa smiled in amusement as Iwaizumi strained himself to make the merry go round spin.

It took a few seconds before the ride really began to spin, round and round in circles that made the warm air whiz past Oikawa’s hair and over his lightly sweat dampened skin. He closed his eyes and listened to the sounds of Iwaizumi’s footsteps as he ran in tow with the ride. The sound was heavier now than it used to be when they had been kids, but it was still the same distinct sound of _Iwaizumi’s_ and that’s all it took for him to feel completely at home.

“Iwa-chan?” he called out, voice loud over the creaking of the merry go round.

“Yeah?”

He smiled “This is almost like a date, isn’t it?”

“Of course it’s a date,” he heard Iwaizumi huff “Why else would I actually put in so much effort to make this godforsaken piece of junk move?”

“Because you like me?” he asked, laughing a little as he opened his eyes. He reached out a hand and waited.

Iwaizumi took it, and jumped into the ride, letting it spin both of them in slow, dizzying circles. “Don’t push your luck, Oikawa.” he said, but there was no real bite to it. He let their hands stay together, safe in the knowledge that the park was theirs for the time being and no one would come to disturb them.

“You wanted us to talk, didn’t you?” Oikawa asked, a little nervous as he thought back to the meaningful looks he’d gotten more than once today.

“I…I guess so,” he said, scratching the back of his head “Yeah.”

“What did you want to talk about?” he asked through the sudden dryness in his throat.

Iwaizumi flushed an endearing shade of red. “You _know_ what,”

“I won’t know if you don’t say it clearly, Iwa-chan,” Oikawa frowned “Communication is key to a budding relationship, you know.”

That seemed to make the flush on Iwaizumi’s cheeks even darker and somehow, looking at him, Oikawa felt his own embarrassment grow. Why couldn’t Iwaizumi have been a bit more experienced than him in this? The way it was now, both of them were the same level of inexperienced and it did nothing to make things easier for them.

Iwaizumi took a deep breath and met Oikawa’s gaze with a look of determination. “Do you want to have sex with me, Oikawa?”

 _Well_. He’d wanted Iwaizumi to be clearer with his words hadn’t he?

“Iwa-chan!” he exclaimed, suddenly all too mortified to be sitting on a merry go round with their knees to close to touching. It was a little too cramped for two third year middle-schoolers, now that he thought about it. “That’s so vulgar!”

“You wanted me to say it clearly, Trashykawa!” Iwaizumi’s voice was a wheeze and Oikawa almost felt the urge to laugh. And he would have, if he wasn’t embarrassed beyond belief at the prospect of discussing things he’d never dared talk about before.

“Well…”

“Well?”

“I’ve thought about it, Iwa-chan,” he said in a soft voice, not daring to speak louder. “But don’t you think it’s too sudden?”

Iwaizumi nodded slowly. “Everyone’s doing it.”

“Do _you_ want to, though?” Oikawa asked, eyes narrowed “Or did you just ask because everyone wants us to do it too?”

Iwaizumi was quiet for a while before he spoke again. His eyes were on his hands, fingers drumming against the metal railing absentmindedly “I want to,” he said “I’ve thought about it before too.”

“O-oh,” he hadn’t been expecting that. “Since when?”

“Idiot! That’s not something you can just ask!” Iwaizumi protested, hands going up to hide his face. “Don’t you have any tact?”

“I was just curious!”

“Well I could ask you the same then,” Iwaizumi said, “But you didn’t even answer my question properly.”

“What question, Iwa-chan?”

“Do you want to do it?”

“I—I think it’s something I’d want to do,” Oikawa began carefully “But I just want to take things slow, you know.”

“I know. I feel the same way…I think.”

“You’re not even sure?”

“Well,” he coughed “You just don’t want to feel like you’re rushing into this with everyone else doing it, right?”

Oikawa nodded.

“Well it’s the same for me,” Iwaizumi smiled, carefully making to get up as the ride creaked to a halt “So we’ll wait.”

Oikawa smiled, feeling the burden that had been weighing at him for weeks now, loosen its hold on him. He took a deep breath and stood up, holding out his hand for Iwaizumi to pull him down. He felt the brush of his calloused palm and felt a flutter of warmth. Despite the firmness of his grip and the roughness of his attitude at the best of times, Iwaizumi had always been the one person who always understood Oikawa without him having to put it into words.

“Iwaizumi,” he said, a little in awe as they walked aimlessly in the park and the sun burnt grass “I really like you,”

Iwaizumi nearly tripped and Oikawa was suddenly glad that they’d been holding hands. If he fell, he was sure the blame would have been cast on him in the end, and that would have been all too much to deal with.

“Don’t just say it so suddenly,” Iwaizumi murmured, lips curling into a pleased smile.

“You know it makes you happy, Iwa-chan,”

“Stop rubbing it in my face. But—thanks,” he said “Me too.”

Oikawa smiled and moved just a little closer to his lover, letting their shoulders and the backs of their hands brush. Everything seemed perfect as they walked back home, the blistering summer heat, the sun shining in their eyes, and even the oddly bright blue walls of the houses in their neighborhood.

\---

Things were a lot easier after that and for a few months the matter left Oikawa ’s mind entirely—he was far too busy simply basking in the happiness of knowing that no matter what, Iwaizumi and him would take things at the perfect pace. No rush, no hurry. The desire was a simple, slow ache in his body that he could forget about when he was alone, and pretend it didn’t make his breath catch in his throat when they were together.

Finals rolled by and the two hardly ever got to spend much time alone together, especially with high school applications opening up and both of them focusing their attentions on getting into a good one together. It wasn’t even a question that they would leave each other’s side—not yet, they were still too young to make that decision and it could be left for another few years.

Needless to say, it wasn’t a surprise when Oikawa found himself slightly distracted in class, eyes drifting every few seconds in Iwaizumi’s direction, taking in the view of the lover he hadn’t gotten to touch in weeks. He took in the sight of him, the shirt of his uniform half tucked in his trousers, sleeve buttons undone and rolled up so that his forearms were visible. The skin there was tanned, darker than the rest of his body from volleyball practice sessions under the summer sun and the countless hours lying in the grass, simply talking to Oikawa. He noticed Iwaizumi’s slender neck and the hair at the nape sticking close to his skin from the heat. His eyes drifted, taking all of him in, the curve of his spine, his slender fingers, the pencil resting between his lips as if he was deep in thought.

Oikawa swallowed, suddenly aware of how badly he wanted to pull that pencil from between his lips and replace it with his mouth. He looked away, pressed a hand to his thigh and forced himself to think of simple, clean thoughts. None about wanting to let his hands roam over Iwaizumi’s skin, none of the wish to let his mouth explore places it had never thought of before. Absolutely none of the hyperawareness of his desires when his eyes flitted over once to Iwaizumi’s and were met with his. A raised eyebrow in question and Oikawa could only find himself awkwardly mouthing out a reply that didn’t answer why he was staring at him or why his throat suddenly felt like it was made of sandpaper.

Iwaizumi grinned just once—if Oikawa had imagined the flash of something warm in his eyes, he must really have been in a daze—and turned his attention back towards the board, taking in everything the instructor said that Oikawa didn’t care to listen to. Oikawa puffed his cheeks and tried to calm the nervous thrum in his body, the odd, jittery feeling that made him want to wiggle his foot in impatience because nothing else would dispel the feeling as well.

He kept wiggling his foot the entire class and if the boy sitting next to him made a jab at him for not staying still, Oikawa couldn’t really come up with much of a reply in turn. His eyes never left the back of Iwaizumi’s head and he wondered what was happening to him.

\---

Practice that day was a disaster. He couldn’t really bring himself to focus as well as he normally did and he was sure that by the end of the session, everyone knew Oikawa wasn’t really in the best of healths. Watari kept shooting him concerned looks and even Matsukawa frowned whenever their eyes met, a silent question held in his gaze. Oikawa just shrugged and tried to pass it off as a bad mood, nothing deeply concerning. Still, some of the boys from their team managed to convince the coach to let Oikawa off for the day, to let him go home so he could sleep off his blues and the irritating jittering of his hands and legs.

Oikawa had protested. Practice had always been something that worked as a way to make him forget his worries for a while, but really, it didn’t seem to be helping much today. The fact that the cause of his awkward fumblings was right there next to him might have contributed, but Oikawa didn’t really want to be away from Iwaizumi after all. He nodded stiffly and let the coach dismiss him.

“Take Iwaizumi with you,” said the coach as an afterthought “He doesn’t seem all that well either.”

Oikawa flushed and made a face, because he’d spent the entirety of the session staring at Iwaizumi and he really hadn’t seen anything that hinted at him feeling all that unwell. He cast a glance towards Iwaizumi who shrugged before walking out of the gym and into the locker room. Oikawa heaved a sigh and reluctantly followed, not sure how he’d deal with the swirl of odd emotions that made his chest feel so constricted whenever their eyes met.

“So,” Iwaizumi said just as Oikawa stepped inside the locker. “What’s the matter with you? You’re not sick.”

Oikawa made no move to answer; instead he just turned the other way and made way towards his locker. He slowly grabbed the hem of his shirt and made a show of pulling it off.

“Oi! Don’t ignore me Shittykawa!” Iwaizumi sounded a little flustered, he wasn’t really used to being ignored after all and Oikawa didn’t blame him. He wasn’t sure why he suddenly felt irrationally angry at him. He didn’t want to look at him, especially.

He huffed once and stared at the locker, shirt still hitched up halfway but making no move to pull further. The draught of air made the sweat clinging to his back feel pleasantly cool, and he wondered if Iwaizumi was done changing yet. Maybe, he could turn around and look at Oikawa and the shirt that he didn’t bother to take off. Maybe, he hoped, it would actually put him in the same bad mood as well.

Instead, he felt a hand grab onto the back of his shoulder and then pull him abruptly in the other direction. Iwaizumi was staring at him, not at all mad but definitely very concerned—eyes narrowed and lips pursed. Oikawa felt a sudden pang of guilt for making him look like that, but it also made the ache in his chest grow all the more. He felt strangely lightheaded and being in such close proximity of him suddenly felt like a bad idea. Silently, Oikawa cursed his coach for leaving them alone together even if that hadn’t been his intention at all.

He braced his hands on either side of the lockers and met Iwaizumi’s eyes.

“What’s the matter Oikawa?” Iwaizumi asked again, voice soft “You know you can tell me everything.”

Oikawa huffed “That’s the problem Iwa-chan,” he said “I don’t think I can talk about this with you.”

Iwaizumi inclined his head to the side the way he always did when he couldn’t understand something “How come? Is it something I did?”

That was a thought Oikawa found hard to believe. He shook his head once and sighed. “I don’t think I can even understand it myself. I just feel—” he swallowed “Odd.”

“Odd?”

“Looking at you makes me feel odd,” he barely got the words out, his throat felt so dry and his body like burning “I don’t know what to do. Haven’t you ever felt like that?”

Oikawa expected Iwaizumi to get irritated the way he usually did whenever Oikawa spoke in words far too cryptic to be understood by any sane human being, but right now, he just looked upset—eyebrows furrowed and lips upturned in a pout.

“What’s this Oikawa? Are you tired of me or something?” he sounded like a small child, on the verge of throwing a tantrum out of despair.

Oikawa frowned. “What—no? Iwa-chan what gave you that idea?”

“I—” Iwaizumi paused, hand still pressed to Oikawa’s shoulder. He seemed to be thinking deeply again, looking at things from a different perspective. “Isn’t that what you’re implying?”

“Absolutely not, Iwa-chan! Don’t put words in my mouth!” Oikawa wanted to laugh at how far from the truth this entire conversation was going. If he’d been confused about what he felt, just the look of worry on Iwaizumi’s face had been enough as answer to what he’d felt. He suddenly felt the air rush out of him and it was all he could do to not run away—out of embarrassment or something else, he couldn’t say just yet.

“Then what’s the matter with you?”

Oikawa laughed at the pure look of irritation on Iwaizumi’s face. “I want you, Iwa-chan,” he said, and the way the words left his mouth made the truth far too real, too quickly “I want to do it with you and it’s driving me insane already.”

“What—is this what you’ve been thinking about?” Iwaizumi almost didn’t believe it. He looked like he didn’t know if he should laugh or cry “How long has this been going on?”

Oikawa flushed and looked away, wishing Iwaizumi would take the hint and move back a bit so that he could calm himself. No such luck—Iwaizumi only seemed to be leaning closer, a dangerous smile on his lips “Just a few days. I don’t know how people manage to live through it.”

Iwaizumi laughed at that. “It can be hard sometimes.”

Oikawa stared at him. “You too?”

Iwaizumi rolled his eyes. “What do you think?” he said “I’ve been keeping my distance, haven’t I?”

“Is that why you’ve been keeping yourself busy with studies and practice?” he almost wanted to shriek out of embarrassment but he somehow managed to stay put. Oikawa swallowed and raised a hand to Iwaizumi’s cheek, letting him turn his face into it. It was hot, just as Oikawa’s flushed face felt.

“Well that wasn’t entirely an excuse. Don’t make me say more, _please_.”  

Oikawa laughed and suddenly the odd ache in his chest didn’t seem so odd anymore. He took Iwaizumi’s face in both his hands, hoped that none of his teammates would decide to walk in on them right now, and kissed him. The knowledge of what he wanted and what that meant pressed at the forefront of his thoughts and he felt himself heat up, letting Iwaizumi’s hands wander slowly down his shoulders to his arms and then his waist, slowly, slowly making their way towards the inside of his shirt.

“Did you pull up your shirt on purpose?” Iwaizumi asked in between short, breathless kisses.

“What?” Oikawa asked through the haze in his mind, already weak kneed. He still couldn’t entirely understand what was happening to him, but he felt short sparks alight within him, like the beginnings of an undying flame. “My shirt?”

“I feel like you did that on purpose,” Iwaizumi said, pressing a kiss to Oikawa’s jaw and then his nape, his voice barely a whisper that left Oikawa wanting more.

“Isn’t it normal to take off your shirt in the gym? You over think stuff, Iwa-chan,” he said, nuzzling his face in the crook of Iwaizumi’s shoulder “You have a dirty mind, don’t you?”

“I wasn’t the one getting distracted during practice though,” Iwaizumi said, leaning back and putting some distance between them.

“That’s low,” Oikawa huffed, stepping away from the locker even though all he wanted was to keep kissing Iwaizumi and let him do whatever he wanted with him, make him feel things he’d never allowed himself to feel before. The strength of the desire still left him feeling a little like he was trapped in the body of some stranger, unsure and wanting. Still, he knew it would have been worse if they were discovered here, in positions far too compromising to pass off as appropriate.

“Let’s head back?” Iwaizumi asked, a smirk playing on his lips “We could watch TV before cram school starts.”

“Does watching TV actually mean something else in this context, Iwa-chan?” Oikawa asked, nudging him once with his hip and moving out of the way to quickly change out of his clothes. Iwaizumi followed suit and the air was light, dancing with a strange electricity that made everything feel tense, like the prelude to something unforgettable.

“Why don’t you find out?” Iwaizumi said and Oikawa was caught off guard by the edge of desire in his voice.

Oikawa could only nod and follow him the rest of the way back, feeling a little as if his world was shifting and turning all of a sudden.

\---

If watching TV was actually something that Iwaizumi had in mind when he’d suggested going back, Oikawa didn’t really take the time to find out. It only took a few minutes for the two of them to walk back to Iwaizumi’s place and from there to his room. Iwaizumi took care to lock the door even though his parents wouldn’t be back hours from now and that was signal enough for Oikawa to attack him, lips finding lips and hands eager to explore.

Oikawa was glad for the fact that his feet had learnt the path to Iwaizumi’s bed so well that they didn’t really need to break apart, save for the short breaths they took in between kisses, lips parting only to touch again, eager and searching. Iwaizumi’s tongue felt hot in Oikawa’s mouth and he allowed lightheadedness to take root in him, guide him through the instinctive drive to touch and feel.

Iwaizumi’s hands worked fast to unbutton Oikawa’s uniform and then his trousers, and he felt the strangest bout of self consciousness at that. His chest was bared as were half his legs and even though he supposed it was normal for boys to see each other in various stages of undress; somehow having Iwaizumi on top of him when he looked like that was entirely new. He flushed and turned away, breaking their kiss only for Iwaizumi to continue caressing his neck and jaw.

“Do you want to stop?” Iwaizumi asked, already pulling back. His hands had stopped moving up and down his thigh and Oikawa missed the tingling warmth he felt on his skin. “It’s nothing to worry about.”

Oikawa shook his head, suddenly frustrated. He grabbed Iwaizumi’s hand and brought them back to rest on his legs. “Anything but that,” he said, surprised at how bold that sounded when a few seconds ago he’d almost thought of running away “I really want to touch you. And I want you to touch me.”

Iwaizumi smiled and Oikawa was acutely aware that it was something he’d remember for the rest of his days. Maybe, when both of them were old and wrinkly, they could look back on this moment—Oikawa on his back, the light filtering in from outside and casting a pearly glow over Iwaizumi, the look of hesitation on their faces and the surety in their hearts that no matter what all of this would work out just right because it was the two of them together.  

Each kiss after that was like the first time, aching with desire and want, a hesitancy each time they met. Oikawa shivered when Iwaizumi touched him, asking for permission and wishing to explore. Oikawa moved, hands gently coming to wrap around his neck. Iwaizumi pushed him back down into the bed lightly kissing his lips until both of them were out of breath and panting, cheeks dusted pink as a familiar warmth spread through their bodies.

Oikawa smiled, hiding his face behind his hands even though his laugh could still be heard muffled from behind. Iwaizumi wanted to laugh too at the way Oikawa was always so shy with his wants, preferring to hide a little until Iwaizumi took things in his own hands. Slowly, he pulled back Oikawa’s wrist so that he could see his face and when their eyes met the air seemed to freeze for a while. It wasn't the first time they were looking at each other like this but it was definitely the first time there was nothing between them but the few layers of clothes and an itching desire for more.

Their mouths met and Oikawa’s breath felt warm in Iwaizumi’s mouth, lips hot and burning. Oikawa wasted no time in pulling down Iwaizumi’s pants and unbuttoning his shirt, fingers messing up just a bit in his hurry. Iwaizumi was patient, letting him do as he pleased while his own hands explored the planes of Oikawa’s chest and then lowered so that they rested on the crook of his underwear.

As soon as he was done unbuttoning Iwaizumi’s trousers, Oikawa pulled them down, only waiting for Iwaizumi to lift his legs so that they were off him entirely, lying discarded somewhere on the floor. For some reason he left the tie on, only twirling it between his fingers to pull Iwaizumi into a kiss once more, breaths mingling with one another's.

Oikawa shivered, more from the intensity of Iwaizumi’s gaze than from the cold of the room on their naked skin.

“Are you cold?” Iwaizumi asked the barest hint of concern in his voice.

“No,” Oikawa said hands slowly tracing a path across Iwaizumi’s shoulder blades, his chest, and his stomach. “But I think you should pull out the covers.”

Iwaizumi grinned and lifted himself up from Oikawa’s lap for a few seconds to bring the warm blankets closer. Oikawa watched, hitching himself up on his elbows to see Iwaizumi work at untangling the heap of blankets, getting a little flustered the longer he tried. With a grievous sigh, Iwaizumi finally managed to pull one out, straighten it and wrap it around his own shoulders. It almost looked like a cape the way it folded around his neck and shoulder draping across his back and falling to rest in between his legs. Oikawa doubted he'd ever wanted to get rid of something from Iwaizumi’s person that badly. He swallowed and raised an eyebrow, trying to hide how flustered he suddenly felt.

“What are you doing, Iwaizumi?”

He was met with a sly grin in return. “Just making myself warm,” he said, shuffling closer until he had settled squarely on Oikawa’s lap again.

Oikawa pouted “What about me? I'm cold too.”

“I know. That's why I'm going to do this.”

“Huh—”

Before he could ask, he was being pushed down again and suddenly everything was dark and warm, hidden in the swathe of blankets and Iwaizumi above him. Incredibly warm where the weight of Iwaizumi’s body pressed against him and the blanket touched the sides of his legs and thigh. Oikawa found it hard to breathe but, once his eyes were back in focus, he could see the clear silhouette of Iwaizumi’s body, cheeks flushed and a loving smile on his lips.

Oikawa suddenly wanted to cry. “Iwa-chan,” he whispered, voice shaking a little “You'll be my first.”

“And you'll be mine,” his hands slowly worked their way down Oikawa’s chest, burning a line of fire where fingertips met skin. Oikawa shivered, a sigh escaping his lips. He wished he could close his eyes and just let Iwaizumi have his way with him, leave him breathless and give him everything he’d never known he'd wanted.

“I'm a little nervous,” Iwaizumi said, the trace of a laugh in his voice “I don’t want to disappoint you.”

“There's no way you can,” he murmured. Every moment with Iwaizumi was perfect and he wanted to let him know that. “You've made me the happiest person just by being with me.”

Iwaizumi went still for a while taking in Oikawa’s words and letting them take root in him. Oikawa could feel the shift in mood and how the air turned thick with desire, raw and anticipating. He could feel it in his chest, a deep and aching want just to touch and feel. His fingers latched around Iwaizumi’s boxers, pulling down tentatively and asking him permission. In reply, Iwaizumi mirrored his motion until both of them were bared to the other, open to be seen under the thick cover of blankets. A cocoon for just the two of them, keeping away the world for a while.

Iwaizumi’s touch was hot on his skin, fingers curling around the area of his desire, each movement tentative and testing. A moan escaped Oikawa’s lips and was swallowed as their lips met—Oikawa’s head felt light, blood thrumming loud in his ears and his body burning with sensation. His fingers held tight around Iwaizumi’s hips sure to leave marks in the aftermath. He realized that the thought only turned him on even further, his body aching and soft sighs leaving his lips.

Iwaizumi’s breath was warm against his mouth and then his neck where he rested his forehead, chest heaving slightly from the feeling. Oikawa could imagine he felt Iwaizumi’s heartbeat pulsing under his skin so much like his own— lost in pleasure and wanting more. They were clumsy with each other hands fumbling and reaching blindly for the other only knowing by instinct what felt good and what felt amazing.

Oikawa reached out to touch Iwaizumi, holding him between his fingers and feeling his warmth, knowing the truest most intimate parts of his body. He felt like he'd been blessed far too much all too suddenly and he couldn't help the delighted laugh that left his lips when Iwaizumi moaned against him, body shuddering with pleasure. His movement had become erratic, hips moving along with Oikawa’s hands, trying to mirror his pace. Iwaizumi’s hands settled on either side of Oikawa’s head, forearm resting on the bed to support himself as he moved. Oikawa used the opportunity to pull him closer, hand touching both their lengths in an attempt to please while Iwaizumi shook, body already giving in to pleasure. Oikawa could feel it too, building up in his body like a string pull taut so that it couldn’t hold out any longer. He kissed Iwaizumi once more, to seek out what was most familiar to both of them, until the idea of losing control didn’t have him out of his mind anymore.

He looked at Iwaizumi once, closed his eyes and let bliss overcome him, heart stuttering until it felt like he'd reached a breaking point.

Warmth settled between them and for a few moments Oikawa felt like all he could see was blinding light. Iwaizumi’s face was the first thing he saw when Oikawa opened his eyes, still a little dazed from his orgasm. Iwaizumi looked much the same, face flushed and his chest heaving with the effort of keeping himself upright. Oikawa reached out with his arms and wrapped them around Iwaizumi’s waist as he let go, falling atop Oikawa’s chest. He was sticky, but so was Oikawa and he decided that it was quite worth it just to bask in the warmth for a while not ready to look at each other just yet. One form of embarrassment overshadowed the other.

“Hey, Oikawa?” Iwaizumi said after a while, voice muffled where he had pressed his face against the sheets.

“Hmm?” Oikawa combed his fingers through Iwaizumi’s scalp; his sweat-dampened hair and the warm skin of his nape. He felt awkward all of a sudden, and he was glad he didn’t have to look Iwaizumi in the eye yet.

“This—it was,” Iwaizumi fumbled, voice breaking just the slightest. Oikawa hummed patiently “I’m glad it was you.”

Oikawa knew all this. He did, but somehow hearing Iwaizumi say it still made the breath catch in his throat and the back of his eyes prickled with something he wouldn’t ever admit to himself. He closed his eyes and pulled Iwaizumi closer. “Me too, Iwa-chan. I’m glad it was you.”

“Really?” Iwaizumi raised his head and finally met his eyes. What Oikawa saw there was the surprised uncertainty of a boy who still felt in awe of everything that had happened and Oikawa couldn’t blame him. He was sure the same look was mirrored on his face when he looked at him, and his heart thrummed fondly at the thought.

“I already said it before didn’t I? I wanted it with you,” he laughed a little, punching Iwaizumi on his bare arm “Are you doubting the great Oikawa Tooru?”

Iwaizumi laughed too, a warm sound, as he pressed a kiss to Oikawa’s temple “Dumbass,” he said, “You’re so full of yourself.”

“That’s not the only thing I’m full of, right now.”

He couldn’t help but laugh at the way Iwaizumi flushed and stuttered at that, shuffling to get up and off the bed so that he wouldn’t have to meet Oikawa’s eye.

\---

Oikawa wasn’t sure if anything changed after that but who was he to judge when all but an hour has passed since they had done the deed? As they walked together to cram school, Oikawa could only wonder if they had to break the moment by getting up and going back to studies.

“We can’t just waste our time lying about when finals are just a month away, Shittykawa,” Iwaizumi had said, wiping himself off with a spare towel and then turning his attention to Oikawa, pressing the damp cloth to his skin in an attempt to clean him. “Don’t you want to get into Seijoh together?”

Oikawa couldn’t protest about that, but he did wish Iwaizumi was a little less practical when it came to these things. He wondered if, years from now, the first thought that came to mind when he thought of sex with Iwaizumi would be this. The unusual sluggishness in his legs as he walked, the cold winter air on their faces and the flakes of snow that fell and melted on Oikawa’s skin when they landed. The way Iwaizumi almost seemed to be making a conscious effort not to meet his eye.

Oikawa felt a pang of loneliness when he looked at Iwaizumi, face hidden behind the muffler and his cheeks flushed red. “Hey, Iwa-chan,” he called out in a great fit of uncertainty.

“Yeah?” Iwaizumi’s voice was soft, almost as if he was scared of what he’d say.

And Oikawa was scared to ask. “Was it disappointing?”

“What—no?” Iwaizumi was finally looking at him, eyes round and confused.

“Then how come you’re not looking at me?” he asked, trying to hide the tremble in his voice. He’d stopped walking and so had Iwaizumi, hands awkwardly resting at his side like he didn’t know what to do with them anymore.

Iwaizumi opened his mouth and closed it, one sentence after the other discarded. He sighed once and scuffed his foot in the snow, baring the dry earth underneath.

“I’m just scared of things changing,” he said after a while “I don’t want things to be weird between us.”

“Are they weird right now?” he asked, “Aren’t you happy we finally did it?”

“I am! Of course, I’m happy about that,” he said, pouting as if any suggestion otherwise was blasphemy.

“Then what’s there to worry about? We’re both happy together.”

“I just hope this isn’t all we think about from now on,” he swallowed, cheeks burning red and eyes averted “Haven’t you heard what Komi said that one time?”

“’Sex is all you’ll think about once you’ve done it’?” Oikawa wanted to laugh at how seriously Iwaizumi always took his words.

He nodded, stiffly, as if admitting more than this was too much for him.

Oikawa did laugh then, hands reaching out to take Iwaizumi’s. He wanted to kiss him right there, under the tree with dead branches and the piles and piles of snow, but he knew he couldn’t do such a thing in public.

“Well he’s not entirely wrong,” he said in a soft murmur “I’m still thinking about it, Iwa-chan.”

“That’s a problem.”

“But I’m also thinking about how happy I am just like this, you know,” he said “Walking home together, studying together. I think about all of it, all the time.”

“Me too,” Iwaizumi laughed “It’s a little distracting sometimes.”

“But we’re doing well just this way, right?” he leaned forward, pulling Iwaizumi’s hands so that their chests touched.

“Let’s take it slow. I’m sure we’ll get used to it.”

Oikawa nodded, unable to hide his grin. Nothing had changed, in the end, except for the ways in which they could tell each other how they felt. With words and without words.

They began to walk again, hands brushing lightly against each other’s, as snowflakes flurried around them, young, light and free as the wind.

**Author's Note:**

> Ah, I really didn't intend for it to be as long as it is but it was very easy to write and a lot of fun too! Somehow the story always ends up spiralling out of my control so here we are: my take on how Iwaizumi and Oikawa would potentially think about, and finally do, The Deed. It was a lot of fun thinking up both of their reactions to the situation at hand and I've always imagined Oikawa to fall in the demisexual spectrum to an extent, taking time to actually develop sexual feelings for a person. I hope I was able to pull it off decently enough!  
> Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed it!
> 
> You can follow me on Tumblr at [penpeas](http://penpeas.tumblr.com/).  
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/porriporridge)


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